Meri Soch aur Meri Awaz

The treasure of a fool is in his tongue, so think before you speak

Friday, March 24, 2006

The Prophet as a Man: Crying for Child and Friend

It is well known that the Prophet, (peace be upon him) suffered bereavement on many occasions. When he was very young, he experienced the loss of very close relatives. He lost his mother when he was six, and his grandfather who looked after him at the age of eight. He also lost his two sons when they were very young. When he had a third son, the only child born to him by a woman other than his first wife, Khadeejah, that child, Ibraheem, lived less than a year and a half. He also lost three of his four daughters during his lifetime. But he also suffered the loss of some of his grandchildren. As a loving parent and caring prophet, each loss caused him much grief, but he was always resigned to God’s will, accepting it with patience.
Usamah reports: “The son of one of the Prophet’s daughters was about to die when she sent for him requesting him to go over to her. He sent her a message saying: ‘Whatever God takes away or gives belongs to Him. He determines everything at its appropriate time. She should be patient and resigned to God’s will.’ When this message was delivered to her, she asked the messenger who brought it to go back to the Prophet and tell him that she requested him by God to come over. He then stood up and we all stood with him. He went to her accompanied by Saad ibn Ubadah and Ubayy ibn Kaab, I think. The dying child was placed on the Prophet’s lap as life was almost departing from him. The Prophet’s eyes were tearful. Saad ibn Ubadah said to him: ‘What is this, Messenger of God?’ He replied: ‘This is compassion which God places in the hearts of those He chooses from among His servants. God will bestow His mercy on those of His servants who are compassionate.’” (Related by Al-Bukhari, Muslim, Ahmad and Abu Dawood).
Some people may wonder why the Prophet did not go to his daughter when she sent for him the first time, although he was told the reason for her urgent call. In fact, it was understandable. The Prophet was attended by a group of his companions and he could not just leave them and go. Hence, he sent her a consoling message, reminding her that death is determined by God’s will and we must accept it with resignation, no matter how close and beloved the dying person is. His daughter, Zaynab, was keen that the Prophet should attend her dying son. Hence, she sent the messenger back with an oath requesting him to come over. Therefore three of his companions go with him as he proceeds to go. The child was suffering as anyone would be in the throes of death. His mother wanted the Prophet to pray for him so that his suffering would be lightened. The Prophet could not withhold his tears as he saw his grandson about to die. Yet his companions wonder at his crying, because a man is not expected to cry, particularly in the Arabian society at the time. Hence the Prophet explains that crying in such a situation was the mark of compassion and it should be treated as such. Compassionate people are sure to receive God’s mercy, because they are softhearted people who will help others in their difficulties.
The Prophet was reported to cry in other situations as well. Aishah reports: “The Prophet kissed Uthman ibn Maz’oon when he died, and he was crying as he did so, or indeed his eyes were pouring with tears.” (Related by Ahmad, Abu Dawood, Al-Tirmidhi and Ibn Majah)
Uthman ibn Maz’oon was one of the very early Muslims, and was very close to the Prophet. Hence, it is not surprising that the Prophet should be extremely saddened by his death. However, the Prophet expressed his feelings properly, with tearful eyes, but no wailing or lamenting, which is forbidden in Islam.
On another occasion the Prophet was told that Saad ibn Ubadah was ill. Saad was the chief of the Khazraj, one of the two main tribes of the Ansar. “The Prophet went to inquire after him, accompanied by Abd Al-Rahman ibn Awf, Saad ibn Abi Waqqas and Abdullah ibn Masood. When he went in, Saad was unconscious. The Prophet asked: ‘Has he died?’ The people attending him answered in the negative. The Prophet’s eyes were tearful. Those attending also cried as they saw the Prophet cry. He said to them: ‘Do you hear me? God does not punish anyone for a tearful eye or for sad feelings. But He punishes or forgives for what this might do. (He pointed to his tongue). A deceased person is punished on account of his family’s wailing for him.’” (Related by Al-Bukhari and Muslim).
Saad ibn Ubadah was very close to the Prophet. As the chief of his tribe, he rendered good service to the cause of Islam. The Prophet appreciated his contribution and that of Saad ibn Mu’adh, the chief of the other Ansari tribe, the Aws. It was apparent that Saad’s illness was serious, as he lost consciousness, to the extent that the Prophet wondered on arrival whether he was already dead. As he realized the extent of Saad’s illness, his eyes were tearful, and this caused all those attending him to cry as well.
The Prophet took that opportunity to explain what is acceptable and what is not on such sad occasions. He made it clear that feelings and crying are perfectly permissible. They do not incur God’s displeasure, as they are natural phenomena. It is the wailing and lamenting, which are people’s own actions that may cause the deceased to suffer. But this applies only in certain situations, because no one bears the burden of another. If the deceased’s family do something wrong, how can he be responsible for them? He will definitely not have to answer for their actions unless he wanted them to do so. Many Arabs used to include this in their will in pre-Islamic days, giving instructions as to how their departure should be mourned. In Islam, this is clearly not permissible. A dead person may also be held responsible for his relatives’ wailing, if he likes such wailing to be done after his death. Otherwise, the dead cannot be answerable for the deeds of the living. Indeed, it is those who wail and lament that have to answer to God for their actions.
Adil Salahi

14 Comments:

At 7:14 PM, Blogger comicsans said...

21:35 Every soul shall have a taste of death: and We test you by evil and by good by way of trial. to Us must ye return

Waqas its a wonderful post. Death is scary and we dont accept it. No one knows when his time comes. But I'll tell u my strange experience. My young cousin abt 25 yrs of age was shot and earned Shahadat (If Allah Wills), 3 yrs ago. On his death his mom was in shock and she did not shed a single tear atleast for 2 or 3 days. How would you describe this situation?

 
At 7:22 PM, Blogger Waqas said...

May Allah grant your cousin Jannat abd bless his soul and forgive all his sins Ameen..

His mom was in shock and did not shed a tear..thats natural cuz we dont expect to die at this young age which is very sad cuz we dont know like u said when that time will come when Allah calls us back. I do feel sorry for his mom that she lost her son at a very young age but she should know that he is in a better place right now.

I was not a very religious guy and i m not today either..there are so many things I still have to learn but the incident that changed my life was the death of my father's brother when I was on my way taking him to the hospital and he passed away on my shoulder..That experiece made me realize that one never knows when u have to go back and how we take things for granted.

My father also never cries on anyone's death. You can see the tears but I have never ever seen him or my mom cry in my 25 yrs of living with them. My dad says always that everyone has to go and Allah has chosen a time for everyone and therefore we should just pray for their forgiveness.

 
At 8:11 PM, Blogger comicsans said...

None of us are religious. Many of us dont even practice what we preach. Hum sub ko pata hey lies are disastrous but we still do it.
for eg: my cousin prays 5 times but he will never force his younger brother to go along with him to masjid.
Infact I feel like a hypocrite, I use to take veil but now I work here as Assistant Office manager and i just wear scarf and coat.
We all are sinful. May Allah forgive us Ameen

 
At 2:51 AM, Blogger ~*Jappanun*~ said...

waqaash bhaii!!

dont nice job..lol..thoraa blog ko bhi khubsoorat banaOo..lol

 
At 6:54 AM, Blogger Waqas said...

Madiha, saadgi pasand logon mai se hon..

Comicsans, About your situation, its completely understandable. Viel is not obligattory. A woman must cover everything with the exception of her face and her hands in fron of whom say may marry. I m guessing u r not married so u r not doing anything wrong. I will go into detail later about this as to why the viel is no obligatory specially for unmarried woman. (if u want me to otherwise i wont)

May Allah guides us all

 
At 10:58 AM, Blogger comicsans said...

Veil is again not a MAJOR thing. Some scholars say it is obligatory because face is the beauty that is the major cause of fitnah, where as some say its not. I did veil because I loved it and i felt comfortable in it.
I have a dream of doing Shr'ah Hijab of not coming infront of my cousins too.
I am just 18 waqas bhai ..abhi to koi rishta bhi nahi aya bachee ka :P

 
At 11:09 AM, Blogger Waqas said...

Again, sme scholars say that coming in front of cousins is ok and some say its not ok..I guess it all dpeends on how one views things..Because humara culture aisa hai k its a bit open due to various reasons but I view it as that I gre up with my cousins and we all still sit together and talk to each other about different things, I even spoke to Adil Salahi once and he told me that to your cuosins if u r married, you can talk to and they dont have to take viel..as long as they conver their heads..so I think thats more logical to me just because I think Islam is flexible also to make things easier for a muslim

you are onyl 18..you sound mature than your age mashallah..

 
At 11:24 AM, Blogger comicsans said...

jazakh allah for the compliment..sub ney mujhey isi tarah sar par char hadiya hey kehkey that at times my decisions are more wise than my mother's :S
But allhumdulillah sub Allah kee dien hai, we are of no value

 
At 11:37 AM, Blogger Waqas said...

Mashallah..Apni ammi se do haath aagay ho..hehe..

Its nice and refreshing to see the young generation who are devouted muslims..Mostly I see the white washed ones who think Islam is a thing of yesterday..and the only thing I want to do is slap their behinds till they come back to their senses.

 
At 10:18 AM, Blogger comicsans said...

ppl with thinking that Islam if for yesterday is bit rare. Aaj kal loug Islam per chalney mey kotahee baradtey hain. Because they lack knowledge of this Deen.

 
At 3:03 PM, Blogger comicsans said...

waqas bhai i need ur help for my nxt entry. I know u've given me a topic but it will come up after my new update as I dnt have enuf research. Sorry..
DO u have a beard? and if u do y dint u keep a daree before? If u dont what makes u not have it ?
Why do most men avoid daree?
These are not rude qns ..if u find them sorry..plz help me out can u? I dont have a brother and my family members have daaree so i dont know how to ans my own qns.

 
At 5:30 PM, Blogger Waqas said...

I dont have a beard at this moment but I do keep it. I sometimes have a daree and sometimes I dont..sometimes I keep a goatee. It depends on my mood.

I never asked anyone as to why they dont keep a daree..I guess its a more personal choice than it is religion. In our culture, appearence is given a lot of importance. A person with a daree will have a ahrd time in getting married cuz the girl wants someone who has a clean shave and has nice hair..like wise, a girl with a hijab will find a little difficult to get married than a girl who does to wear hijab. No matter how wrong it is, unfortunately this is the way our culture works. ppl tend to go for looks more than the soul of the person an I guess this is natural but most of the time, this is what the main decision depends on..
In western countries, you keep a daree and if ppl know you are muslim, then u are called a Taliban and a terrorrist in some cases..maybe thats is why some dont keep a daree..
I personally dont find myself in a situation where I have to either decide to keep a daree as the ppl who matter to me dont mind if I do or don't. I myself think that this is a sunnah and its a great thing to do but one should only do this if he feels very comfortable and everyone in his family is ok and if they are not for wahtever reason it is be it right or wrong and if he has some other things he has to consider, then by no means he is obligated to keep a beard.
I dont think much attention should be paid on this issue as to that every muslim should have a daree..I think we should all look to work on making oneself a better muslims first and correct the things and the wrog things that are happening in our religion right now.

Sorry if this did not answer your question.

 
At 7:14 PM, Blogger comicsans said...

waqas bhai aap ney aisee baat kahee hey jis ko parhkey mujhey dukh pouhcha.Not even objection I was hurt.
When I started nakaab there was one aunty who told my moher abhi to bachiyun key rishtey aaney ka waqt hey abhien kyun ura rahee ho. Liken aap ko pata hey kiya. Yahee Imaan ki kamzoori hey key daaree huwee to larkee pasand nahi kareygee aur hijab huwa to larka pasand nahi karey ga. Kya Allah sub sey mohabbat nahi karta? Kya Allah aisa hey jo 70 times maa sey zyadah pyaar karney waala apney bandey key saath bura suluk honey dey ga? Jo bandey uskey aur uskey nabi ki sunnat per amal kar rahey hain Khuda ta'la kya unkey rishtey nahi kar waye ga?
Waqas bhai jahan tuk daree ka sawaal hay, har larkee aisee nahi jo larkey ko isliyeh reject kardey coz she wants him clean shaved. Aisey roshan khiyaal deen sey dour larkiyan houngee. My cousin was good in looks. He kept a daree. His mom dint like it, his sister told him every min u dont look good, his boss told him he wants handsome sales man..UN SUB KEY BAWAJOOD he stayed steadfast. Aaj mairee nazar mey woh dikhney mey sub sey acha hey. Aaj woh itna kaamyaab hey key loug uskey aagey peechey ghoum tey hain. Wen we use to study together my female friends use to tell me that ur cousin is highly respected among all the girls.
One step towards Allah, Allah comes running towards you. I have that Imaan that I even if I do shariah Hijab Allah will get me a husband whose Imaan would be more strong than mines and he will love me because of my Imaan not my looks.
In my next post I am not forcing people to keep daari but I am pagal about darees thats y i am writing it

 
At 7:37 PM, Blogger Waqas said...

I highly respect those who keep a daree and those females who take hijab. Do't get me wrong but I m just telling you a fact and that is the way things go in pakistan. I have seen parents making their daughter not take hijab cuz some idiot family rejected their daughter on the grounds of her taking hijab and someone had to shave off his beard due to presure from his famil cuz some family rejected their son cuz he has a daree..Its the way thing goes..offcourse there are those ppl who will repect these ppl who follow the sunnah and Allah will reward them but in our culture, very few are left.

 

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